tinsel tag

TINSEL TAG

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Jerdin doesn't want to come out and play.
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KILL THE CHEERLEADER ALREADY!

Jolyn is threatening to take my TV away, now that I finally found a show I enjoy. But my question for her was... How exactly did she expect me to react to the show?

In case you haven't guessed, I'm talking about the TV series, HEROES. Jolyn and I have had a running "date" as she calls it to watch it together every Monday. At first I thought it would be a good time to catch up on my sleep, but as it turns out, the show is quite good.

So they have been building up all this suspense over how the world is going to end and these few special people are all that stands between survival and the world being blown to smithereens. To save the world, they have to save some silly cheerleader who seems to be indestructible anyhow.

Jolyn is getting all gooey eyed over the heroin addict- er, I mean the tortured artist... sheesh. If she brought him and his drugs here I think I would just eat him and save her the trouble.

The part that freaks Jo out is when I start cheering for the bad guy. The nuclear guy is cool and Syler or however you spell it... Well he is making it happen. Though now... Well I won't ruin it for anyone who missed this episode.

Don't worry I won't be sitting here next Monday staring at a wall. I told Jo that if she takes my TV, I will go out and get a new one. And you know, when I go all calm and say things like that she gets worried, so the TV is no longer in danger.

daegyn-rok

just like you...

Jolyn still won't give me live TV or radio. I asked her why and she started to lie to me about not being able to make it work down here. Whether it was the snarl of frustration of the searing of her favorite sweater... Well she finally answered me. AFTER swearing like a sailor.

Her words and I quote, "because you are pissy enough without having the whole fucked up world to get riled about. If I got the damn news here I would have to kill you to have any peace in my life at all."

So the short answer is no, it ain't happening. But as a compromise she brought me a new stack of music CDs. My favorite today is "Just Like You" by Three Day's Grace.

The down side of the song is that it made me think of Daddy Dearest. (I picked that insult up from a movie the other night, though she was talking about her mommy dearest.) Well, thoughts of my father are far from warm and fuzzy but now and then I do wonder... Well, I wonder a lot of things but mostly I wonder what made him do all the terrible things he did and how he could find it all justified. I remember long ago when I was very young, long before Grant was even born to be my companion... I remember my father as a loving and gentle man. He held me and played games and we were not at odds. We were not at war.

But all that changed. When I learned that he had an agenda for creating me and that he expected me to do terrible deeds in his name... That did not really change how I felt for him. Sure, I disagree and argued and refused, But Jo does the same to me, so perhaps that was fairly normal.

What changed every bit of my love to hate and what took my angst and twisted it into homicidal rage was the moment he shot my Vinola. For that I can never forgive him.

In the darkest most hidden part of my heart I wonder... How could he do it? He swore to love me and yet he carved the heart from my breast taking away the woman who let me walk in the light, her light. As the demons call the soulmate... Vinola was my Morningstar.

Father, you are a ruthless bastard and I could be just like you.

J

fall...

fall sucks. I can feel the changes in the world above me and wish so much that I could experience it myself. Jolyn brings fruit and bright leaves to our cave, but it isn't the same.

Jo brought a new entertainment system too. She is so strange at times. She has converted a corner of the main cave into a human habitat as she calls it. She has installed soft brown furniture. A sofa, loveseat and two chairs all in leather. The best part is the big screen TV, VCR, DVD... and I'm sure some other letters that I have forgotten.

When she was explaining what it all does, Jo mentioned that some people watch the current news on the TV but that we won't be able to do that. She said that we couldn't because of being so far under ground, but I know better. The girl is too smart to let a little thing like dirt stop her, so I figure that she doesn't want me to see the current news about the world. I'm not mad at her. she's probably right.

Now we have a stack of those DVD movies and she is promising a movie night tomorrow. Tonight she is going out with another young man. I hope this one goes better than the last one.

J

The Companion.

I know Jo reads this journal. I don't have the heart to ask her not to when she claims the whole world has access to it. I know she reads it because she asked me this morning about Grant and who he was. I've never mentioned Grant to her before because he is part of the past that I try so hard to leave behind.

I couldn't explain him to her when she asked but I will try to do so here. Grant was my friend, but so much more than that. In a time when I could trust no one, he became my confidant. But he was supposed to be my handler, nothing more than a tool to force me to do deeds I didn't want to do.

Jormangund thought he could use Grant like a leash. Neither Grant nor I liked the idea all that much. Grant is unique in all the nine realms. His mother is the ruling queen of hell, a demon of such beauty and power that Pahele, master of hell would settle for no other at his side. But before she bound herself to Pahele, Sadrina had a child named Grant. Jormangund and his sister Hel stole Grant and gave him to me as a slave, as a companion.

What they didn't expect was that Grant had honor and instead of betrayal, he offered me friendship. I was a bit easier going back then and I accepted friendship. With him at my side I was allowed to leave hell and go out to explore the worlds I was supposed to destroy. We traveled together for about four thousand years. To say we were close doesn't even begin to cover it.

J.

purpose

Jolyn finally came back today, briefly. I don't recall what I said but she threw a handful of newspaper articles at me and stormed back out. She didn't even stay long enough to say hello or goodbye. It was very unlike her.

I think I may understand though. She was afraid. The articles she brought back were all about terrible things that have happened around the world in the past few years. She must have been collecting them for quite some time. She has never asked why I am caged here so deep in the earth, but I think she knows. She knows how Vinola died and that I was more than a tad upset. But I have never spoken to her about what the prophesies say I will do.

Then again, the way people keep fucking up the world, I may not be needed after all. What good is an ancient Daegyn-Rok when every being acts as a destroyer?

I can almost hear Jolyn's argument. She sounds a lot like C when she speak up in the defense of men. "They have their good sides. Not all or even most are evil." That may well be true but when evil is allowed to walk among the good without restraint then all is lost. Those same good people will turn away from an unfair lynching, will shun a man for his poverty, will punish men whose only guilt is illness. It is true they may not be evil, but they perpetrate it damn well.

The day after Jo left the first time, I roasted the CD player, so the caverns echo with sounds of the underground river. That monotonous rush of sound dulls some of my emotions. Now, I'm not even sure what I was so angry over. I just wish Jo would come back. The cave is far too lonely without her. Without her the only company I have is my memories and those bring nothing but pain.

That's not exactly true. There were a few good times. Perhaps I will try to dwell on those for a while. Vinola. Everything about her was good. Even when she kicked my ass, I loved her more than the breath she stole with her kiss or her kicks. I still love her. Someday I will find her.

The other bright spot was Grant. I wonder what ever happened to the old rascal. Maybe I should have Jolyn look him up for me. If she ever comes back...

J ~ dreaming of better days...

itching skin

I finally drove Jo out of our cave.

Even though she went, she didn't want to. I almost snapped her in two while she tried to help me. That was when I sent her running. And if she hadn't shifted form, I might have crisped her fragile human form. Fortunately her hide is tough. By that I mean her skin and her emotions.

So she will forgive me my moodness and chalk it up to my unfavorable situation. Yeah right. I live in a fuckin cage. While she walks in and out free as a lark, I am confined to the lowest sections of these caves. And I'm bloody sick of it.

I don't mean to take it out on her. None of this is her fault. Although the monks might have turned her away for what she is, she was never considered a violent psychotic, prone to atempts to destroy the world. I on the other hand...

Well let's just say I was going through a rough patch. After the shit that happened that year, my reaction shouldn't have surprised any of them.

I don't think C was surprised. I know he was sympathetc. I also know he put me here for my own good as well as his own and everyone else's. I just wish they hadn't left me alone. Maybe it was seeing Jo get ready for a date that has me blowing steam, but I just miss Vinola so damn much. And staying in this form isn't helping much either, though I think I may like this journal idea. So I'm off for the underground lake. Someday I may have to share just where my little prison is... but not tonight. Tonight I swim and listen to Slayer.

Jerdin
who btw- did not roast the boy for dumping my Jo.

revenge

Jolyn came back from her date. Pissed doesn't even begin to cover how she reacted when the pathetic human left her at the dance club to leave with another girl. Pissed and hurt are a very bad combination. I know she was more pissed than hurt because she threw things while she cried. Eventually, she let me comfort her.

Holding my baby in my arms while she cried out all the rejections and hurts that she had ever suffered was a new experience for me. Usually, she is the strong and emotionally stable one of us. But holding her petite body, and stroking her silver hair, I was almost overwhelmed by protectiveness. I've never spoken the words, but I do love the girl, and seeing her in pain made me want to rain fire down on London. The destruction of an entire city to destroy one human is nothing if it would make her smile and ease the ache in my chest.

She refused to tell me the boy's name. Even angry she has more sense than I do. Not to mention significantly more compassion and forgiveness. I'm not sure I have any of that left for any world of the nine realms. No, I'm sure I don't. Very little keeps me from--

She wants me to listen to a new CD that she picked up. It's by a band called Slayer.

Damn- that is good. I think I have a new favorite band. Hell, I even like their name. It is appropriate, beyond words.

Also Jo is trying to show me how to do more things with this journal to make it fit me better as she puts it. Today... checking out font colors. Thought the red was nice.

Jerdin

music to calm the angry beast

Jolyn was right.

The CD player was a good idea. The sound rolls through our cave with a beauty that brought tears to my eyes, the first time. She brought some that I had heard before but I think I like the modern music just as much. I am currently playing an album by a group called Godsmack. At first I found the name rather ridiculous, but the irony of me playing it loud enough to shake the stone walls, was not lost on me.

I actually have the urge to search out a few gods and explain to them the joke, but I think they would find little humor in it. So instead I sit here in my pretty prison and feel the sound roll through me like an angry roar. Oddly, I find all that human emotion calming.

You might wonder where the lovely Jolyn is, or why I'm here alone, as I so often am. Jo, had a study session with a fellow student. She told me (repeatedly) that it isn't a date. Yet, she spent nearly two hours getting ready to study. Jo used makeup that she didn't need and tied her silver hair back in some kind of hairstyle that held it up off her neck. She also wore the amber necklace which I created for her years ago. If that isn't a date, I don't know what is.

It's very strange, this feeling of doom I feel over her absence. Perhaps it is no more than a typical father's fear, but then I have never been a typical father. I fear all the things that could go wrong for her as she goes out and pretends to be human. For she is not, and that alone can lead her down dangerous paths.

I know. For I have walked down them. and at times run back them.

J

shit happens

Jolyn is a bully.

She is insisting that I type something about my past here. I can't imagine that anyone would *want* to know about my past. Hell, even I don't. But she told me that she wouldn't bring me anymore Playboy magazines until I do, so I will give in once more.

Who am I kidding? I give into her every time and she knows it. But I do at least put up an grumble every chance I can.

My past... sucked.

The bully says that isn't enough... *sigh*

Fine. I am almost as old as time. (which sucks to say-makes my joints ache just thinking it)

I was born sometime after the breakdown of the truce between the norse dieties (asgard and jotun). That was about the time that Loki was caught and imprisoned for-fuckin-ever. Yeah, I really sympathize with the bastard. Oh and he's my grandfather. We're not close, but I've heard the story of how he was mistreated until it was ingrained on my brain.

So you might ask, how am I his grandson? Well, I am the son of his son, Jormangund. Daddy is still around, but we're not speaking. No, my family is not disfunctional, we are homicidal. If Daddy ever shows his face here in my home (prison) then I will do everything in my power to kill him as he rightly deserves.

Jo said to stop for the day. I think she's afraid I'll toast the computer.

She is trying to distract me with a music player of some kind. Not sure how she can claim the little disks will be even better than an orchastra... but she's usually not wrong. I'll let you know.

Jerdin

She's doing it again

Jolyn is definitely my daughter. (as if the scales weren't a dead giveaway) She can rant like no body's business. And growling/spitting/snarling even manages to look good on her. I don't think it does on me. Villagers tended to piss themselves when I made that face, but she looks kind of cute. I don't think I will tell her that.

So she is ranting about her college professor who hit on her then failed her. I offered to kill him, but she just gave me that look. Sure, I know she could kill him herself, but she shouldn't have to. Besides I would enjoy it more. This women's lib thing is confusing.

The offer wasn't very honest. As much as I would like to be there for her in every way, I still can't leave this cave. Which is probably why Jo feels the need to bring so much of the world back to me. The electronics are a bit baffling, but I do appreciate her efforts.

J

Jolyn says I'm doing this all wrong...

Jolyn says I'm supposed to bare my soul and explain everything here, not just complain about her.

Explain everything here? Is the child nuts? The world isn't ready to know everything that I could explain. So I think I will leave that for some later entry.

---

I just had to growl at Jo and make her back off. She had the gall to read over my shoulder and started nagging me about it.

To make her happy I have faced worse than this computer, worse than talking about myself or my past, but... that won't make any of this easier. So I may start off simple with this baring my soul crap.

My name is Jerdin. I am about as fucked up as can be when it comes to family situations. Jolyn is my daughter. Her mother died a few thousand years ago and Jo was left on her own for the hardest part of her life. I wasn't part of her life then either. I didn't know she existed. I guess you could say that I have being an absent father down to an art form. You see she isn't my only child. I had another that was born in the 1400's to the woman who was the better half of me. Vinola. She was everything I could have ever wanted in a mate and I lost her far to soon.

There's my soul. the rest is nothing but hell, literally.

J

oh hell

I don't know what I did to the stupid thing but Jolyn is making all kinds of threats if I do it again. I think she is trying to use her recent psychology degree to some benefit, by "fixing" me. I think that was why she chose that degree. I don't have the heart to tell her, I am way past fixing.

Jolyn is about the only creature in this world that can even tolerate my presence so I try to humor her. Frankly I'm not sure why she stays. She claims she has nowhere else to go, but unlike me, she blends with the humans well. Lately she doesn't even seem to want to hunt them. Wish I could say the same for myself.

Jerdin

WTF- Jolyn said I had to.

Jolyn set this damn thing up and said I had to use it. She said I have to be more sociable, but I'm still not sure why.

She is standing across the cave glaring at me as I type, which sucks since the key I use most is the backspace. Wait... I think I hit a wring key. The screen is-