Jolyn is still away. I could not get back to sleep for thinking of her and all she'll be facing. Instead I lie here and think of past terrors and things I could have, perhaps should have done. So many nightmares I've seen or lived through. I think of each and consider a thousand different outcomes.
Perhaps I'm not quite as cold and dead inside as I thought. This regret I feel offers a sliver of hope. When I'm finally freed from this cave, maybe I will be able to offer more than my duty as Daegynrok. I think Vinola would want me to be more than just a destroyer. I think I would like that too.
J
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
A Rumble
It's been a long cold winter. For some reason I fell back into old habits of sleeping through most of it. Poor Jolyn acted annoyed but I think in truth she's been relieved.
A few days back I woke to a tremble in the earth. The disturbance was easy to recognize as an earthquake, one far away from my prison. After a while the ground settled once more but still I listened. Tremors that big don't end quietly. No, they end in blood and death.
Hours passed. Then I heard the TV. Jolyn flipped through channel after channel and even without joining her I knew what she saw. Not long after that, she came to me, and made me proud.
"I'm going to help."
She didn't bother to explain. I didn't act like I needed an explanation. She still cares for the people and still wants to help them. I envy her that compassion. I don't feel it anymore myself. I suspect that even if I could leave this cave I wouldn't go to those people in need. But Jolyn is still good inside. And for that I am glad.
When she comes back, she'll cry and rant. But time will heal what disasters like that break in a soul. She'll come back to me broken but stronger. And I'll still be here, still the same.
Until she returns I sleep.
J
A few days back I woke to a tremble in the earth. The disturbance was easy to recognize as an earthquake, one far away from my prison. After a while the ground settled once more but still I listened. Tremors that big don't end quietly. No, they end in blood and death.
Hours passed. Then I heard the TV. Jolyn flipped through channel after channel and even without joining her I knew what she saw. Not long after that, she came to me, and made me proud.
"I'm going to help."
She didn't bother to explain. I didn't act like I needed an explanation. She still cares for the people and still wants to help them. I envy her that compassion. I don't feel it anymore myself. I suspect that even if I could leave this cave I wouldn't go to those people in need. But Jolyn is still good inside. And for that I am glad.
When she comes back, she'll cry and rant. But time will heal what disasters like that break in a soul. She'll come back to me broken but stronger. And I'll still be here, still the same.
Until she returns I sleep.
J
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