Wolves. I honestly didn't think much of them or their duel souled counterparts, the Valafrn until one day when I met one and she kicked my ass.
Vinola was a Valafrn werewolf but also more and much like myself she was out in the world searching for herself.
Jolyn, I hope you understand that I never loved your mother. I cared for her and I respected her courage. But there was no love, not the kind that should be between mates. She was given to me as a sacrifice. Her family expected me to eat her. (I did, but that's another story) Perhaps in our circumstances tolerance and eventual betrayal was the best we could hope for.
But Vinola was different. She captured my heart from first glance. Oh sure, it took her a while so see any value in me, but it wasn't for lack of my trying. You might wonder what it was about one werewolf that caught my eye when I'd seen the whole world and not been overly impressed with any other? I think this might be the difference between love and "forever love".
Damn that sounds cheesy.
I believe that if the world had given us enough time your mother and I could have come to love one another. But no amount of time would have bound her soul to mine. I think that space was already spoken for long before I even came into the world. Vinola was that other half that I'd been searching for without ever understanding. The moment I saw her, my heart awoke. That inner place in my being that had been quiet--it roared. I had to have her, be with her, love her.
Nothing else mattered.
Grant was with me at the time. He and I fought over my reaction to Vinola. I was then, and still am now, completely irrational when it comes to her. I'm sure I drove him nuts. If he hadn't promised to stay by my side no matter what, I'm sure my mood swings would have driven him away. But he did stay and eventually Vinola relented.
We were together far too short a time. But for that time the world was perfect. Before we'd had more than a taste of that love, she was gone.
If I get a little misty when I see wolf art, it is for missing her.
J
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
WHAT?
Umm... ok. That was not the reaction I expected and to be blunt I'm not sure I'm open minded enough to ah... hear any more about it. :)
Jolyn
who is now in shock and happy to leave your blog to you.
Jolyn
who is now in shock and happy to leave your blog to you.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A note from Jolyn
Yes I broke into your blog. Sorry. Well not really. I just wanted to say I am sorry for making your life more difficult. I love you and I'm very glad to have you watching over me. The concept is something new to me and might chafe at times, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it.
I DO.
We beasties need to stick together. Yes, you were right about Bob. It never would have worked. That didn't keep me from wishing it could. As for my mysterious brother... I understand your enthusiasm. I do. But I'm not ready to share you yet. Somedays I feel like we've only just met. Please have patience with me.
I guess that also explains part of your reaction to my mother's out of the blue arrival. Her in my life will not now or ever take me from your life. It won't. (refer back to beasties sticking together comment)
Even from our one brief meeting, I believe I want to get to know Maya. That is the name she goes by now, although she did tell me that you knew her as Mia. Close enough that I imagine it makes little difference. What is different or at least she claims is different is her. She openly admitted to making many mistakes which others myself included were forced to pay for. I'm not sure if I forgive her for casting me aside but now, here in the present, we have a new chance and I think I'd like to take advantage of it.
I won't ask you to like her, or even tolerate her. If I have to I can meet with her away from our home. But to be honest, I'd rather have you nearby. I'm not so sure of her or my abilty to judge her character to be comfortable without your support.
If that's too much to ask I do understand. Perhaps you can tell me if this Grant guy might be willing to chaparone us if you can't? You seem to trust him and I know how rare that is.
Oh I posted some pictures for you. :) The dog reminded me of Sam and the wolves were just beautiful. I know how much you love wolves. Perhaps someday you will tell me why. Oh and the angel was just too sexy not to share. LOL!!
Jolyn
PS: LOL is short for Laugh Out Loud which in this case was because I can so imagine you face when you see the sexy angel. :D
I DO.
We beasties need to stick together. Yes, you were right about Bob. It never would have worked. That didn't keep me from wishing it could. As for my mysterious brother... I understand your enthusiasm. I do. But I'm not ready to share you yet. Somedays I feel like we've only just met. Please have patience with me.
I guess that also explains part of your reaction to my mother's out of the blue arrival. Her in my life will not now or ever take me from your life. It won't. (refer back to beasties sticking together comment)
Even from our one brief meeting, I believe I want to get to know Maya. That is the name she goes by now, although she did tell me that you knew her as Mia. Close enough that I imagine it makes little difference. What is different or at least she claims is different is her. She openly admitted to making many mistakes which others myself included were forced to pay for. I'm not sure if I forgive her for casting me aside but now, here in the present, we have a new chance and I think I'd like to take advantage of it.
I won't ask you to like her, or even tolerate her. If I have to I can meet with her away from our home. But to be honest, I'd rather have you nearby. I'm not so sure of her or my abilty to judge her character to be comfortable without your support.
If that's too much to ask I do understand. Perhaps you can tell me if this Grant guy might be willing to chaparone us if you can't? You seem to trust him and I know how rare that is.
Oh I posted some pictures for you. :) The dog reminded me of Sam and the wolves were just beautiful. I know how much you love wolves. Perhaps someday you will tell me why. Oh and the angel was just too sexy not to share. LOL!!
Jolyn
PS: LOL is short for Laugh Out Loud which in this case was because I can so imagine you face when you see the sexy angel. :D
Monday, June 09, 2008
What happened and the shit that hit the fan
The visit the other day from the Lord of Darkness raised a shitload of issues. Besides me being a pissed off asshole.
Let me start at the beginning. He came to speak with Jolyn, not me. The topic that they thought would be better off not for my ears was Jolyn's mother and her interest in meeting Jo.
After a blew up a few more pieces of furnature I listened, really fuckin listened to what Jo was saying. She wanted to meet her mother. She wanted to meet the woman who cast her aside as an infant in a trade for power. She wanted to meet the crazy bitch face to face. What for I still don't understand. What I do know is that she made only one demand, that it be here with me.
It was about that time that I think her words sank into my think brain. She needed me. I was already here, part of her life and she needed me to be there for this big moment too. I offered to barbique the witch for her, but she made me promise to control my temper and let her do this.
The coming of Ragnarock couldn't be more trying. I mean how am I supposed to accept this woman back into my life even if it is vicariously through Jolyn? She betrayed me, bartered my child to my enemy and had the gall to do it all while pretending to give a shit about what I wanted. After pleeing my case with Jolyn for two days, I conceeded. Her mother came today. She walked right into my cave and sat down with my daughter drinking my fucking tea.
I stayed back and kept my many violent opinions to myself. I did however listen to every word said.
I expected her to use her slippery tongue to twist Jolyn's affection. She didn't. Mostly she listened to Jo, asking questions about her life, both before she foudn me and since. She didn't comment on me or our past. I was surprised. After about an hour, she got to the meat of her visit. She apologized to Jolyn and to me for her actions so long ago.
My suspicious nature says it might all be a trick, some devious opening to a malicious plan. But I didn't sense any subterfuge from her. I did sense remorse and much longing.
I wonder if perhaps she has grown up... Perhaps I expected too much from the girl so long ago. She'd been little more than a child herself when she was given to me as a sacrifice. Has she grown more wise? If so perhaps she and Jolyn may be able to salvage some kind of relationship.
I do have one terrible fear though. What if she is only here to finish her bargain? What is my father is still after Jolyn? If he is... If he is still controling this woman, then I fear what will come next. When she took my child from me the first time, I was devastated. Now that I know Jolyn and love her more than life itself... Now there would no imprisoning stone nor even fire in hell that could stop me from vengeance.
Let rain the destiny of all the worlds (in other words - bring on the shitstorm). I will watch you Mia and I will watch over my children with more diligence than ever before.
J
Let me start at the beginning. He came to speak with Jolyn, not me. The topic that they thought would be better off not for my ears was Jolyn's mother and her interest in meeting Jo.
After a blew up a few more pieces of furnature I listened, really fuckin listened to what Jo was saying. She wanted to meet her mother. She wanted to meet the woman who cast her aside as an infant in a trade for power. She wanted to meet the crazy bitch face to face. What for I still don't understand. What I do know is that she made only one demand, that it be here with me.
It was about that time that I think her words sank into my think brain. She needed me. I was already here, part of her life and she needed me to be there for this big moment too. I offered to barbique the witch for her, but she made me promise to control my temper and let her do this.
The coming of Ragnarock couldn't be more trying. I mean how am I supposed to accept this woman back into my life even if it is vicariously through Jolyn? She betrayed me, bartered my child to my enemy and had the gall to do it all while pretending to give a shit about what I wanted. After pleeing my case with Jolyn for two days, I conceeded. Her mother came today. She walked right into my cave and sat down with my daughter drinking my fucking tea.
I stayed back and kept my many violent opinions to myself. I did however listen to every word said.
I expected her to use her slippery tongue to twist Jolyn's affection. She didn't. Mostly she listened to Jo, asking questions about her life, both before she foudn me and since. She didn't comment on me or our past. I was surprised. After about an hour, she got to the meat of her visit. She apologized to Jolyn and to me for her actions so long ago.
My suspicious nature says it might all be a trick, some devious opening to a malicious plan. But I didn't sense any subterfuge from her. I did sense remorse and much longing.
I wonder if perhaps she has grown up... Perhaps I expected too much from the girl so long ago. She'd been little more than a child herself when she was given to me as a sacrifice. Has she grown more wise? If so perhaps she and Jolyn may be able to salvage some kind of relationship.
I do have one terrible fear though. What if she is only here to finish her bargain? What is my father is still after Jolyn? If he is... If he is still controling this woman, then I fear what will come next. When she took my child from me the first time, I was devastated. Now that I know Jolyn and love her more than life itself... Now there would no imprisoning stone nor even fire in hell that could stop me from vengeance.
Let rain the destiny of all the worlds (in other words - bring on the shitstorm). I will watch you Mia and I will watch over my children with more diligence than ever before.
J
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
WTF?!?
It's been years since I've been this pissed. no not years. decades!
I damaged (charred to a black lump) my other computer but had to get this out before I burn the whole cave down.
About an hour ago, Grant arrived. Kind of a nice surprise.
He wasn't alone. His stepfather, reigning Tascryn demon, Lord Pahele was with him. (A seriously not nice surprise.) Not that I have much against Pahele. He has been almost decent to me over the centuries, but I'm sick of having my prison turned into a revolving door with guest after guest. Jolyn comes and goes and I've gotten used to her freedom while I remain trapped. And I'm glad to have Grant come by now and again although it pains me each time he leaves and it is drilled into me again that I can't go with him.
But to have virtual strangers wandering in and out... IT'S TOO MUCH.
And to top it off, Pahele wasn't here to visit me anyhow. He'd come to talk with Jolyn and I wasn't even allowed to hear the duscussion let alone have an opinion or participate. I mean, WHAT THE HELL, this is my home. She is my daughter. How dare they?
Bastards.
Sam's hiding. Jolyn hasn't come back yet. We lost another sofa to fire damage.
I'm going to my lake.
J
I damaged (charred to a black lump) my other computer but had to get this out before I burn the whole cave down.
About an hour ago, Grant arrived. Kind of a nice surprise.
He wasn't alone. His stepfather, reigning Tascryn demon, Lord Pahele was with him. (A seriously not nice surprise.) Not that I have much against Pahele. He has been almost decent to me over the centuries, but I'm sick of having my prison turned into a revolving door with guest after guest. Jolyn comes and goes and I've gotten used to her freedom while I remain trapped. And I'm glad to have Grant come by now and again although it pains me each time he leaves and it is drilled into me again that I can't go with him.
But to have virtual strangers wandering in and out... IT'S TOO MUCH.
And to top it off, Pahele wasn't here to visit me anyhow. He'd come to talk with Jolyn and I wasn't even allowed to hear the duscussion let alone have an opinion or participate. I mean, WHAT THE HELL, this is my home. She is my daughter. How dare they?
Bastards.
Sam's hiding. Jolyn hasn't come back yet. We lost another sofa to fire damage.
I'm going to my lake.
J
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